Do Not Covet Happy Facebook Families!

I visited a friend today.  She isn't too happy with her life just now, and she has many health problems.  She is doing quite well though, and is managing to stay cheerful.  However, she made a comment today that sent up a red flag, and I've been thinking about it ever since.

She said, "I see other families on Facebook that have 4 kids and a nice home and he makes $50-60,000 more than we do every year, and gets bonuses, too! I want that!  I think my husband could make more money.  He just doesn't want to."

I said, "That's dangerous thinking!  Don't do that!  Don't compare your husband's paycheck to someone else's.  You have to trust him, that he is doing the best he can."

Then the children came in and we went on to another topic.  I keep thinking about that comment, though, and I feel it comes very close to "Thou Shalt Not Covet."  She has noticed that Facebook has a tendency to depress her with the "Happy Family" events in other people's lives, so she doesn't look at those posts any more.  But this idea of "more money like they have will solve our problems," is not so good.

I've been guilty of this, myself.  I've talked to my husband after I've worked on the budget, and said, "Can't you just make more money somehow?  I don't really see where we can cut back, and I don't know what to do."

Perhaps if we realized that nagging at our spouses is actually a form of nagging at ourselves, then we could step back and see if this is the direction we really want to go.  Because in any marriage, we are to "Be One Flesh," as it says in the Bible.  So if we are showing irritation constantly to our spouses, or to ourselves, then it is not helping us to become One in our thoughts, and in our marriages.

At some point in our married state we have to realize that we simply cannot change the other person, the spouse.  We can only change ourselves.  We can change our view, our attitude, our thoughts, our reactions, our surroundings, even our feelings, but we cannot change the other person.  And changing yourself does not change the other person.  That is not something you can count on.

I have noticed that I seem to use the "Royal We," as in the Queen saying, "We are not amused," when really it is she herself who is not pleased.  I often say, "Well, we didn't expect that to happen, did we?"  But in reality I knew it would happen when he did thus and such, but I don't want to put him in a bad mood so I take part of the blame by using the "Royal We."  And, after all, I am part of the situation even if I don't seem to have much influence on it at the moment.  But it is my choice to share with my husband the difficult things that happen, no matter whose "fault" it is.

And we want to solve the problem or situation more than we want someone to say, "It's my fault.  I'm sorry."  Because we might have to wait a long time for that to happen, and it probably wouldn't even help matters in the end.