"Why I stayed Home and Reared my Children" circa March 25, 1986

     "The bills are mounting up.  He brings in as much as we pay out.  (Or should I say we pay out as much as he brings in?)  Whichever, we have little left over.  So. . . . my thoughts (and his) turn towards my working for money, whether in or out of the home.  I'd enjoy getting out occasionally, but it is a terrific drain on me to leave home every day.

     I LOVE to read.  I'll read a book on Desert Life before I'll clean the bathroom.  And our weekly trips to the library find me loaded down with five or six books, once as many as fifteen, often on completely varied subjects.  (I must take after my dad, whom my mother once described as 'an information-gatherer.')  So when my weekly haul included such books as The Two Paycheck Marriage, Woman & $$, Growing up Divorced, A New Life Plan: How to Cope with Divorce, and When Your Children Drive You Crazy, I suddenly realized these might cause a bit of confusion in my ten-year-old, four children, 6-month-old new home marriage.

     Naturally I had finally finished reading all these and had discovered something brand new about myself before this sudden realization.  That night I asked my husband if he had wondered why I was reading all these books on money, work outside the home, and divorce.  He said "Oh, no."  I explained that I had discovered something new -- I was doing everything right.  I was providing our children with everything the divorce books said was missing in the lives of children whose parents were divorced!  He wasn't very impressed.

     The next morning I was going to work with him so I could have the car when he brought up the subject of all those books on divorce.  He now admitted, in the clear light of day, that he had been wondering why I was reading all those divorce books.  And all those Women and Money books.  And all those Working In The Home books.  He said, "I was getting a little worried there.  I couldn't see where it was all going to lead.  I thought maybe you were going to take off somewhere."  I told him again how I had just realized, For Myself, that staying home with our children was truly the best thing I could give them at this time.

     Now when I sit down to read a book and ignore the claims of the bathroom germs, or stand outside for an hour watering the lawn and watching my 18 mo. old son pet the neighbor dog, or throw together a slapdash dinner because I organized the garage (a little bit), I know I am a good person right here, where I am today.  I am fulfilling my roles as a person, wife, mother, homemaker, friend.  And no one is going to make me believe I should give it up.  After all, I'm providing all those things children of divorce need--and I do it for free for the ones I love the most."

*I found this typed sheet of paper in my files today.